Husband texts female friend everyday

Husband texts female friend everyday DEFAULT

What to Do When Your Husband Is Texting Another Woman

Young Couple Lying On Bed Women Is Asleep While Men Is Using Mobile Phone

What to do when your husband is texting another woman- what it means? Does your husband remain on his phone all day texting a female friend and wearing a wide smile on his face? 

As a wife, it is normal for you to be worried and confused about what to do when your husband is texting another woman.

If you are in these shoes, you should not hurriedly take decisions based on what you see. It is advised you get to the root of the matter by finding out what is happening for yourself.

When your husband texts another woman, what does it mean?

If you find your husband texting a female friend, nothing might be happening. However, it is normal for you to feel something is amiss. You might also read different meanings to it because our minds are wired to run wide.

Unless your husband tells you or you find out yourself, you might never know what it means. 

Hence, it is up to you to find what it means and take actions if necessary.

Related Reading:Ways to Find Emotional Infidelity Texting

4 Reasons why your husband may be texting another woman

Fora married man texting another woman, there are various reasons that might be responsible for this. If you are suspicious of his intentions and you want to find out who he’s texting, you need to know possible reasons why your partner is texting another woman.

Here are 4 reasons why your husband texting another woman

1. They are friends

You need to know that even though you are married to your husband, it doesn’t mean you should lose your friends or acquaintances. Hence, it might be that one of the reasons why your husband is texting another woman is because he is talking to his friend.

What you should do is to ensure he places a limit/boundary to ensure it doesn’t affect his marital affairs. If your husband is always on the phone with a female friend, tell him the downsides attached to it and ensure he doesn’t give the wrong signal that would make him cheat.

2. They are work-partners

For married women who ask questions like “What to do if my husband talks to another woman every day?” 

It might be because they are coworkers. Work can take the place of our personal lives, and it takes wisdom to balance both family and work. Your husband might be so engrossed with work that he won’t notice he is spending more time with another woman over the phone.

It becomes a source of concern when you discover your husband is too friendly with a female coworker. Now, it would be best to help him set limits.

3. The woman is constantly texting him

Happy Smiling Young Woman Texting On Smartphone In Bed At Home Bedroom At Night

Some women do not care if a man is married as they would continue to bug the man with texts and calls. 

When you notice this pattern, it is obvious another woman is after your man. Your husband might be completely innocent because he was ensuring he doesn’t leave any text unread.

If care is not taken, your husband could become emotionally invested in her because she texts every time and gives undivided attention. 

A woman who doesn’t take this seriously would find it hard coping with her husband’s emotional affairs and inappropriate talk because as they become closer, things might spiral out of control.

4. He is having a sexual or emotional affair

No woman loves to hear her husband is cheating, especially when he is texting someone every day. However, this is one of the possible reasons responsible for your husband texting another woman a lot. It is important to mention that cheating doesn’t involve sex always.

If a man gives another woman more attention than his wife because of the lustful pleasure he seeks, it is cheating. Also, the man might not realize it is an emotional affair even though he is interested in the person.

When you catch someone cheating through text, it is hard to accept, but you should be prepared to resolve the issue with your husband.

Related Reading:Why Are Emotional Affairs So Dangerous?  

Is it right for my husband to text another woman?

For people who ask is texting cheating, the truth is it is not. 

Your husband has the right to text another woman, provided he is not cheating on you. If he has a female friend, he can text her when he wants, but he needs to ensure it doesn’t affect the personal time he is spending with you.

If you are feeling insecure about this, you should discuss it with your husband and tell him your fears so that he can reassure you of his good intentions.

When my husband texts another woman, is it cheating?

If your husband is texting another woman for purposes like work, regular communication etc., it might not necessarily be cheating. However, if it involves texting and emotional affairs, it is cheating. 

And you can confirm this if you realize he doesn’t want to have conversations or spend more time with you like before.

Related Reading:Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman

10 things to do when your husband is texting another woman

When your husband is texting another woman, do not think he is cheating at first.Communication is an integral part of marriage; you need to be careful before you take any action.

If you are wondering what to do when your husband is texting another woman, here are 10 things you should do.

1. Communicate with your husband

Happy Attractive Couple Having Conversation Together

Do not expect your husband to know what is ongoing in your mind unless you request it. If you keep asking yourself, “who is my husband texting?” you might never know until you ask. 

Hence, it would be great to ask politely why he keeps texting another woman and hear him. If you confront him aggressively, you will end up causing more issues.

Related Reading:Tips to Communicate Effectively With Your Husband

2. Ignore till you have more facts

When you don’t know or see who he’s texting, there is no cause for alarm. 

You need to ignore it by asking yourself some questions like if it affects your communication, sex life, etc. If his communication with the woman does not, he might not be cheating on you. 

All you need do is wait till he tells you or find out from him casually.

3. Don’t accuse him of cheating

Naturally, you might be forced to think he is cheating if your husband is cheating. Hence, what to do when your husband is texting another woman? 

Well, don’t accuse him until you have facts. You should ask for his relationship with the woman if it is friendship, work or something else.

Related Reading:What to Do When You’re Being Accused of Cheating When Your Not

4. Warm-up to him and join the conversation

If you notice your husband is always texting on his phone, you can find out what is happening by checking who he is texting. 

If he pushes you aside, he probably doesn’t want you to either interfere in his conversation or know what he is saying to the woman.

5. Assume that she might be a friend

If you trust your husband, you should cut him some slack if he is always texting some woman. 

You can assume she’s a good friend who loves his company, but don’t assume he’s cheating until you have proof. Your husband might be having a normal conversation with a friend, and you need to keep an open mind about what is ongoing.

6. Check for cheating signs

Before you accuse your husband of cheating, you have to check for the signs. 

First off, watch how he communicates with you and his disposition towards your marriage. Also, if he doesn’t love to spend time with you like before, there is a chance he is cheating. However, be sure about these signs before making any move.

Related Reading:Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You

7. Don’t allow your emotions to control you

If you cannot handle your emotions, you will make mistakes. 

Since you have overcome previous challenges, you will conquer this too. Do not make decisions based on your emotions. It would be more embarrassing if you don’t keep a cool head only to find out your husband is not cheating.

8. Fix healthy boundaries

Healthy Happy Couple Smiling Shot

When your husband is texting another woman more than usual, you need to set healthy boundaries. 

This is your way of asserting your beliefs and putting down your foot when things are not working healthily in your relationship. This will send a clear message to the cheating spouse that their behavior is not okay.

Related Reading: The Importance of Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

9. Understand your husband

Understanding is key in marriage, and sometimes you have to give excuses for your spouse.

For sure, cheating is never a solution no matter how difficult the situation is but as a wife, try to figure out how and why this ensued from his end. This will help you solve the problem if you are willing to work on the relationship.

Related Reading:How to Understand Your Husband

10. See a therapist

If you are thinking too much about what is going on in your husband’s phone, it can affect your mental health. 

Hence, seek counseling, and you will be stunned at the harmless possibilities you never thought of.

Related Reading:Is He Cheating or Am I Paranoid Quiz


Before you act, be sure you are doing the right thing. Remember that it is wrong and hurtful to accuse your husband wrongly of something he didn’t do. 

To avoid hurting him, find out if he is cheating or communicating innocently with another woman.

 Check this video to know more:


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Sylvia Smith

Sylvia SmithExpert Blogger

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.


Dear Therapist: My Husband Keeps Texting With a Female ‘Friend’

Dear Therapist,

I recently discovered that my husband and a female colleague of his have a texting streak going back as far as 2016. I found this out when I saw his phone. While there’s nothing sexual in their messages, and he assures me they are only friends, I have repeatedly expressed my displeasure and discomfort about the situation. I have also repeatedly asked for this behavior to stop. He lies and tells me they no longer text, until he gets caught red-handed again.

We have been seeing a marriage counselor regarding this and other issues. He has lied to the counselor about his texting relationship with his colleague. Interestingly, while I’ve known she exists as his “colleague,” he has never introduced me to her even though I know all of his other work “friends.”

He tells me I am overreacting and that I should get over it. I am considering separating from him if his behavior doesn’t stop. What do you suggest?


Dear Anonymous,

Here are two different ways to look at your situation:

1) Your husband is a no-good liar and you should leave him.

2) You two need to have a different conversation, one that doesn’t involve assumptions and ultimatums.

Let me say upfront that what I’m about to suggest in no way condones your husband’s dishonesty; lies chip away at trust, eventually eroding it altogether. But what my suggestion might do is help you see another way to move through this impasse and understand it better before you make any decisions about your marriage.

First, about the lying: Sometimes people lie because the person requesting the truth makes the truth telling so aversive. I want the truth, the person asking says, but if you tell me the truth, I will shame or judge or abandon you. If you tell me the truth, I will deny your needs. If you tell me the truth, I will try to control you. They want the truth, then punish the person for telling it. Of course there are consequences to people’s behavior, but there are also consequences to creating an environment where it can’t come to light.

You don’t trust your husband—and for good reason—but he may not trust you either, in the sense that he may not trust your capacity to acknowledge his truth were he to share it openly with you. There’s a difference in a relationship between privacy (space that everyone needs in healthy relationships) and secrecy (which tends to be corrosive). What may have started off as privacy—texts between friends—has now moved into secrecy, not necessarily because he’s doing anything wrong, but because of something going on between the two of you. You say that you’re in marriage counseling for other issues, so I wonder about your husband’s relationship with his colleague not so much in terms of betrayal—as you do—but in terms of what it reveals about the dynamics in your marriage.

Often when people feel betrayed, they’re so wrapped up in hurt and anxiety that they lack curiosity about the person they feel betrayed by. Similarly, they’re so wrapped up in anger and self-righteousness that they lack curiosity about themselves.

By curiosity, I mean that instead of arguing about your husband’s texts, have you been able to step back and try to understand why this friendship is important to him; what he’s getting from it that he may be missing in other parts of his life (perhaps feeling seen, understood, respected, enjoyed?); why he feels he has to hide it from you; and how your requests that he end it affect his feelings toward you? I wonder, too, if you’ve been able to step back and ask yourself why his platonic texts (that you have seen and say aren’t sexual) feel so upsetting or threatening to you (perhaps you wish you shared this easy rapport with him, too?). Can you be less curious about his texts and become more curious about what you can do to create more connection with him?

Right now your position is: End the texting or I’ll leave. But ultimatums don’t do much—they might seem to resolve the dilemma, but often they simply drive the real issue underground. Ultimatums won’t solve the actual problem (whatever’s going on in your marriage) that created this problem (lying about the texts) in the first place. And it’s the actual problem that needs addressing.

All this is to say, maybe your husband is crossing a line and not telling you, or maybe he’s not and your demands are simply pushing him away. Either way, you won’t be able to have a conversation about his texting that will be helpful to you individually or as a couple until a deeper understanding is reached. First, you need to ask and answer the kinds of questions I mentioned above while giving each other the space to be honest with yourselves and each other. If you want to create not just trust but closeness in your marriage, you’ll need to allow room for the truth by inviting it in. And once there’s more space for the truth, there will be more understanding and compassion on both sides that will move you out of your respective corners and help you resolve the texting impasse.

Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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Husband Calling and Texting Mutual Female Friend Daily

Ask Your Own Question!

Reader’s Question

I have been married for 14 years last month. My husband and I have had a mutual friend for almost 3 years. She has more in common with him and mostly talks to him. He tells me weekly updates on her love life, being pregnant, etc. I was fine with this and would lend my husband to help her move, etc. She has two kids and a lot of problems. Recently she moved back to our block and I could not help but notice that she behaved differently. She was not the happy go lucky girl shouting across the street. I felt as if she avoided me. More recently I was pregnant and could not help this feeling of something not being right. I told him that I felt something was not right and told him and even cried to him. He assured me that he would never cheat on me.

So I checked his phone records for the first time in 14 years — and found that he has been calling her every day, 7 days a week. Morning, mid morning, afternoon, evening and even at night. It is him calling her and usually only 1 minute long which indicates possibly a no answer. Usually about 3-5 calls a day state 1 minute and then she would return the call daily and the calls would range daily from 3 min, 5 min, 10 or 19 minutes max. Like I said they have more in common — he is in the fire academy and she is basically going through the same program after him and I understood she may have needed his help. He states that is what is going on but when I confronted her (I thought she was doing the calling, but I later found out it was him) she states he was helping her find a job. That is not what he said and the records I pulled showed every day for 2 months!!!

I am of course waiting for more phone records to see just how long. He said he would not call her anymore and that they were just friends. Why would he call her so much a day and not speak with her but continue to call and text her every day 5-8 times? It just does not make sense and I want to trust him but just don’t know what to do. Once again he called every day; how can he just stop? Or how can I believe he will?

We have 4 wonderful children ages 1-11 and I just miscarried last week and am very confused and won’t be made a fool of!

Psychologist’s Reply

From your description, it sounds like the mutual friend is changing her relationship with your marriage. As you describe, she has recently moved, is looking for a job, has trouble with her children, and even being pregnant (I think I read that right). A common reaction to this high level of stress is to become “needy” — seeking extensive support, encouragement, attention, and contact. Your husband is the target of her neediness and she’s aware that she’s behaving inappropriately — that’s why she avoids you. She may have also developed what I call an “emotional affair” with your husband — a relationship that contains verbal and social intimacy but not always sexual intimacy.

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(Please read our important explanation below.)

Your husband may be flattered by the attention and may feel he is providing much-needed support to her. While the calls and text messages are being exchanged on a daily basis, nothing is mentioned about him spending actual time (hours, afternoons, etc.) with her. While he may view the situation as helping her in a variety of ways, she may view their relationship as an emotional affair. In a totally different view, you may view the situation as her taking advantage of your husband and your marriage — and that’s true. Your husband may feel nothing is inappropriate as we see in his willingness to discuss her adventures and love life (as she reports it to him). What do we do in such situations?

  • Have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Describe how their relationship makes you feel uncomfortable and unsafe, despite his promises.
  • Discuss how you originally participated in the relationship with the mutual friend, encouraging him to help her move, yet are now being excluded and even made to feel avoided by her behavior.
  • Think about the idea that couples must have a team approach to every situation — including mutual friends. That approach worked at first but I suspect the stress and neediness of the mutual friend has changed the three-person relationship.
  • Place the mutual friend on a needy-recognition schedule. She clearly may need support and as a couple you can be of help…but you’ll need to move the helping schedule back to your control — not hers. Place her on a schedule of one call per day. On some days, you call her and ask how she’s doing. If you invite her to an activity, invite her to accompany both of you. Of course, you can also choose as a couple to detach from her and end the relationship.
  • Remind your husband to represent your life activities as a family and a marriage. In a work environment, we can keep most social predators at a distance by frequently mentioning our spouse in casual conversation (in a good way I might add!).

A word of personal caution here… You mentioned that you just miscarried last week. A miscarriage can be emotionally devastating…so much so that the couple seeks distractions rather than dealing with the loss. Husbands often feel helpless in these difficult situations so he may avoid discussing the experience with you. You may be focusing on the mutual friend — venting anger, resentment, and having catastrophic thoughts — as a distraction from your feelings of loss and grief. You know psychologists have theories about everything so I had to bring this up. Don’t hesitate to seek professional counseling/treatment if symptoms of depression surface.

Please read our Important Disclaimer.

Also by Dr Joseph M Carver, PhD

In addition to his Ask the Psychologist replies, Dr Carver has published several essays on the main Counselling Resource site, including:

All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals. Originally published by Dr Joseph M Carver, PhD on and last reviewed or updated by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on .

Can My BF Be Friends With Women?

Married Husband Texting Female Friend Or Another Woman (What To Do)

Is your husband texting a female friend? 

Are you suspicious of their intentions? 

If so, you’re in the right place, because this guide offers advice on how to deal with the situation.

Here is the most important thing to know…

Your apprehension is unlikely to disappear until you get the truth about what’s going on. 

What’s more, there’s no point making any accusations until you have evidence of wrongdoing. 

This will only serve to cause an argument which you can’t win, because you have no proof to back up what you’re saying. 

That’s why I wanted to recommend this handy online background checker

This discreet tool provides an extensive report on your partner’s communications history. 

You’ll learn who he has been frequently communicating, what apps he has downloaded and what contact details he has been using. 

Put simply, this tool will make it immediately obvious if your partner is up to no good.   

With this information to hand, you’ll be better equipped to address your partner using the advice below.


1. They are simply friends.

You have to understand that even though you are married, the two of you should still have individual lives and your friends. Your husband could just be texting his friend and he won’t think it’s a problem, because they are just friends, he won’t see her as ‘another woman’. I’m sure you also text your friends quite a lot and don’t think anything of it, regardless of their gender? So, there is a strong possibility he is just keeping in touch with one of his friends, and he isn’t doing anything wrong. If you have been together for a while, then you will probably be well accustomed to his friends and will have met them before.

An issue will arise if he is speaking to this female friend a lot. Like I have said, it’s pretty normal for us all to text our friends regularly, some people even speak to their friends daily. However, if he is texting with her more than he is texting with you, this could be a little bit of a red flag. Why does he need to speak to her constantly? People that are just friends don’t need to do that.

You might also be worried if he isn’t being honest about speaking with her. If he is just speaking to one of his friends, then you might question why he is being so secretive about it. It is completely valid for you to feel concerned if he is lying about speaking to her because if he just saw their relationship as platonic, he would be honest.

2. He has to speak to another woman because of work.

Work can also take over our personal lives, especially if your husband has a high up position, needs to be on call all the time or has his own business. One of the people that he might need to be in touch with at work could be a woman. This could mean that he has to speak to another woman constantly, but he isn’t doing anything wrong. He might also not have a choice about being in touch with this woman, at the end of the day it’s his job and he has to do what he needs to do. If nothing is going on between them, then he won’t hide their communication from you. He will also probably understand when his work life is crossing over into his personal life with you and will manage it properly.

There is no problem with this, as long as the relationship between him and the other woman stays strictly business. Unfortunately, if it does turn into something more it might be difficult for you to find out, especially if he has a work cell phone. But once again, if he isn’t being honest about his contact with her, then it could be suspicious. She’s just a work colleague so why is he hiding their texts?

3. A woman is constantly trying to text him.

Your husband might just be responding to a woman that is constantly texting him. He could be completely innocent in the act of speaking to another woman. Even if she is trying to pursue him, he might not realize. Men don’t normally have the intuition to clock on to things like this, and he might just think that this woman is being friendly or needs his advice.

He might hide these texts from you if he is worried that you will think something is going on, but normally in this kind of situation, your husband will be open with you because he thinks nothing of it. Of course, as women, we understand other women and we can tell when someone is coming on to our partners. However, your partner isn’t really to blame in this kind of situation, unless he reciprocates the tone of her texts.

4. He is having an emotional or sexual affair.

Of course, this is the last thing you want to hear, but it might just be true.

If your husband is spending a lot longer on his phone than usual, it could be because another woman is occupying his mind and his time. This could be happening with a friend who has transitioned into more than just that, or he could have met someone new. Whatever the circumstances, he will spend a lot more time texting now he is interested in someone else. The difficult thing to comprehend in this situation is that he could be having an emotional affair without even realizing he is doing it.

A lot of the time, we only think of cheating as physical and sexual activity, but it is so much more than that. An emotional affair can hurt more than if your husband went and had a one-night stand because the difference is that his emotions are well and truly involved with someone else. He feels things for this other woman and tells her things he doesn’t tell you. This is a really painful thing to come to terms with.

There are many ways that you can check to see if it’s true that your husband is having an emotional or sexual affair with someone but, to be honest with you, you will be able to feel it in your gut.

Some of the other ways you might be able to tell that your husband is having an affair in relation to texting are:

  • He is overly protective of his phone.
  • He deletes all traces of calls or texts from his phone.
  • He answers calls away from you or declines incoming calls when you are around.
  • He hides to spend time on his phone.

None of these signs would be true if he was just speaking to a female friend, because he would have nothing to hide.

What should you do when your husband is speaking to another woman?

What you should do really depends on which of the situations you think your husband is in from the ones I have mentioned above. Therefore, I urge you to really think about the specific situation you find him in and then act accordingly to it. We will look later on at how to act concerning specific situations, but the first thing you should do, which is essential to whatever situation you are in, is to talk to him. Communication is such a crucial part of a marriage, and it can really make or break it.

Communicate with him. 

As women, we sometimes presume that men are the same as us in many ways, but they are not. They are not going to read our minds or understand the situation until we spell it out for them. Also, women can be quick to jump to conclusions, especially when it comes to the men in our lives and their unfaithfulness. This is especially true if you have been cheated on before or have had difficult relationships in the past.

When you do choose to talk to your husband about what’s going on, you need to make sure that you confront him in a way that is not aggressive. Make sure you don’t lay any blame on him or accuse him. No one reacts positively or honestly when they have already been accused of something without the opportunity to defend themselves.

If you have any problems with another woman and your man speaking to each other, you can simply tell him how it makes you feel. He might not have even realized it was affecting you, and he might stop texting her as much.

If you suspect that he is cheating on you and he isn’t being honest, you might need to put more effort into soothing him into being open with you. People only tell the truth when they feel comfortable, so make him feel comfortable and speak to him from the heart.

At the end of the day, if you are in a marriage that you can’t communicate in, there is something wrong already.

What should you do when your husband is texting his female friend?

Firstly, if they are simply just friends then he will probably open with you about them speaking with each other. Friends are really important, and you need to let him know that you understand that. Your friends are also his friends, so you should say that you understand him wanting to speak to her.

However, if you feel like he is texting her too often, you could ask him how he would feel if you were speaking to one of your male friends more than you spoke to him. The answer will probably be that he wouldn’t be happy about it, and then he might realize your point of view. You need to make sure you aren’t coming across controlling, so make sure you tell him how much you admire his friendship and appreciate that you are in a relationship with a caring and loving man.

If you suspect that something is going on between them, you could always suggest the three of you meeting up in person to see if they act strangely around each other or you feel any energy between them in person.

What should you do if he has to speak to another woman because of work?

There isn’t really much you can do about this one, because it’s his job. However, you could simply ask him to try and balance his personal home life better with his work life. If his work makes you feel like a second-class citizen to him, tell him that. He might not have realized that texting or calling constantly to his work colleague was affecting you that much.

If you suspect something is going on between them that is more than strictly business, why not drop into the office and see if you notice that they are particularly close or doing something they shouldn’t be.

What should you doif a woman is constantly trying to text him?

The only thing you need to do here is to make him recognize what’s going on and what she wants from him. As I said earlier, he might not have realized what she was really trying to get at. I’m sure pointing out the fact that she is trying to come onto him will make him shut it down straight away.

What should you do if he is having an emotional or sexual affair?

This is completely up to you. I’m sorry if you wanted a more definitive answer, but when it comes to cheating, it always depends where your boundaries lie. Perhaps you will be able to work on your marriage and move on, or you will have to leave him. Whatever you decide to do, make sure that you find proof that he is having an affair before you confront him.


I sincerely hope that this article will have helped you figure out why your husband is texting another woman and what action you should take in relation to it.

Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.


Everyday friend husband female texts

I’m angry my husband is texting a female colleague

The dilemmaIn the digital age what do we make of a husband who texts a female colleague more than his wife? I trust my husband, but he doesn’t see why I feel hurt. The number of texts has grown significantly over a couple of months. I realise opening his post, phone bills addressed to him, is wrong, but we women only seek answers when we have questions. The texts occur during work hours or when he’s working abroad, when I receive very few texts from him. They don’t occur at weekends or late at night, nor is he spending time away from home. He continues to be as loving as ever, but did not apologise when I told him I was upset. In fact, he claimed I was being ridiculous as they were just friends. I feel angry that he doesn’t respect my feelings, but I’ve no idea how to sort this issue or how to live with it and carry on trusting him.

Mariella replies It’s an issue, but not just one of the digital age. It harks back much further. Judging by your appraisal of events so far this woman has done little apart from arrive in the job and communicate regularly, during office hours, with your husband. It’s hardly an act of ardent passion. If we believe in an equal world, where men and women work as colleagues and often as friends, then we can’t discriminate in our treatment of our partner’s work mates. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be alert to trespassers overstepping boundaries, but we have to be fair-minded, reasonable and gender blind. By your own admission there are no notable changes to your husband’s behaviour so why have you breached his privacy and betrayed his trust by searching through his mailboxes? Your behaviour suggests you have reason to suspect him of deception, as otherwise his crime, if there is one, is simply one of omission.

Making sweeping statements like: “We women only seek answers when we have questions” doesn’t exonerate your sleuthing. Such broad and unsubstantiated declarations do women and humanity in general a disservice. There are plenty of people, male and female, who display irrational and in many cases damaging degrees of paranoia and jealousy when it comes to their partner’s wider circle of friends and colleagues. They’ve even recently featured in the Archers plot.

Text, emails, social media and mobiles may all facilitate extracurricular relationships, but they don’t create them

I’ve met plenty of suspicious, green-eyed lovers. I’ve also been one myself in my insecure 20s and hold two basic tenets based on my own grim experience. The first is that you can’t enforce fidelity by policing your lover. And the second that when a partner’s behaviour regularly provokes suspicion either your fears are well-founded, in which case you should be considering your options, not chasing evidence – or they’re self-created, and you need help to diffuse whatever is triggering your paranoia.

Text, emails, social media and mobiles may all facilitate extracurricular relationships, but they don’t create them. They also leave a trail far harder to erase than that of a 19th-century lover. Men and women have been finding ways to have sex with strangers and friends since time immemorial, so blaming your dilemma on the digital age ignores the real conundrum. Once upon a time, when we had barely won the vote, the idea of men and women working together in harmony, having relationships without the complication of sex and bringing their different attributes to work for a common goal seemed almost inconceivable. Now we’re lucky enough to live in that world.

I’m worried about you sitting around at home poring over your husband’s business correspondence and phone bills, and I wonder if you would do better to develop a more fulfilling life of your own. Keeping tabs on your man’s movements may one day net you the prize you seem intent on – exposing a guilty dalliance – but what an enormous amount of time and energy you’ll have squandered in the process.

I suspect that if he were having an affair there would be clearer indications than his phone records. By your account his behaviour remains faultless. It would be perhaps less palatable if your partner spent his free time referring to his colleague’s texts. Then again, why on earth should he, as I’m sure it’s not the only relationship he has that’s based on his job and kept in that arena.

You haven’t said what prompted you to monitor his messages, or what you do while he’s going about his day, so forgive me if I’ve missed a message myself. If she’s a “friend” as he describes her, rather than a colleague, I’d suggest a meal together so you can enjoy her company, too. Ultimately, though, I’d urge you to find more satisfying diversions than trawling through your man’s correspondence. Keeping tabs on your partner’s life leaves you with less time to invest in your own and that’s a far greater crime than texting a colleague.

If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @mariellaf1


Is it normal for your husband to talk to a female friend everyday?

Is it normal for your husband to talk to a female friend everyday?

Yes, it’s normal for some. I talk to my best friend almost every day via IM. He has a partner who he absolutely adores. She is not worried that we are best friends, and she has no reason to be.

Is it OK for your husband to text female friends?

Is it okay for a married man to text another woman? Yes, as long as they’re just friends. Your husband might occasionally text a female friend or coworker of his, which is fine! If the messages are friendly check-ins or chatter about the office, you don’t have anything to worry about.

Is it OK for a married man to have a female best friend?

Many married women (and married men) insist that having a best friend of the opposite sex is perfectly healthy. In fact, they say that opposite-sex friends make better friends because they bring very different perspectives to the relationship. First, healthy friendship involves emotional intimacy, as well it should.

What does it mean when a guy has a lot of female friends?

Having a lot of female friends means that the women find the guy attractive, smart, and friendly. Having numerous female friends may lead to some specific sort of relationship with some of them in some rare cases but usually, it never leads to anywhere.

Should I be worried if my husband is texting another woman?

For people who ask is texting cheating, the truth is it is not. Your husband has the right to text another woman, provided he is not cheating on you. If you are feeling insecure about this, you should discuss it with your husband and tell him your fears so that he can reassure you of his good intentions.

Do emotional affairs turn into love?

While emotional affairs do not involve sex or physical intimacy, they can often turn into a sexual affair because of the emotional closeness and sexual tension in the friendship.

Is it a red flag if a guy has a lot of girlfriends?

If your intended partner has a lot of good relationships with a lot of good people, that’s a good thing. If your potential partner has a lot of acrimonious relationships, that’s a red flag. If your partner has just one intense relationship, that’s a red flag.

Is it a red flag if a guy has a lot of female friends?

When a man is involved with a lot of female friends it can also be a warning sign that he is not a man who is ready for a relationship. I know many men who have a ton of female friends who haven’t been in a committed relationship in years or ever.

Can a woman be your husband’s best friend?

Megan R. agrees, sharing that she has no problem with her husband’s female friend. ” One of my husband’s closest friends is a woman ,” she says. “I also have some guy friends, and my husband knows about them. I trust my husband enough to know he won’t cheat on me.” 4. Include one another in the friendship.

What are the rules for husband’s friendships with other women?

In contrast, Jill says that, in her marriage, both she and her husband have friends of the opposite sex. “The rule in our marriage is what is good enough for you is good enough for me,” she says. “If he wants to talk to girls. Fine. I get to talk to guys. It works both ways .” 2. Agree on appropriate boundaries.

What should I do if my husband is talking to another woman?

Overall, the friends who remain tend to be your friends too. If he’s an employee, he’s likely not in control of most of his work life in terms of who he sits next to, travels with, meets with for work. Yes, he should have personal boundaries in his work life and should be able to take action if those boundaries are getting infringed upon.

Can a man have a friendship with a woman?

“If he can, I can,” is the guideline many members live by. But when Carol M. proposes this approach to her husband, his response was the very definition of the double standard and one that many members feel spells trouble: that while it’s OK for a husband to talk to women, it’s taboo for a woman to have friendships with men.

How often does my husband text another woman?

My husband is very understanding about him because he knows that I had been close friends with him long before we ever became lovers. But the texting occurs every single day. We don’t text for long. Maybe for 15 minutes a day. Still he texts me every day. Now I’m in the process of trying to set him up with a close friend of mine.

In contrast, Jill says that, in her marriage, both she and her husband have friends of the opposite sex. “The rule in our marriage is what is good enough for you is good enough for me,” she says. “If he wants to talk to girls. Fine. I get to talk to guys. It works both ways .” 2. Agree on appropriate boundaries.

Megan R. agrees, sharing that she has no problem with her husband’s female friend. ” One of my husband’s closest friends is a woman ,” she says. “I also have some guy friends, and my husband knows about them. I trust my husband enough to know he won’t cheat on me.” 4. Include one another in the friendship.

What should I do if my husband talks to my best friend?

Well listen, if my best friend hinted that she’s uncomfortable with my association with her husband, I would drop the connection with her husband like a hot potato. Because friends listen to each other like that. Anyone who inserts themselves between a married couple is paddling the wrong way.


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He came up to me and held out his hand, in his palm. no, rather, there was a handful of sweets in his palm, help yourself to the kid. He did not give everything to his aunt. Mom slowly took up the table, Victor joyfully something talked and joked and I swallowed candy.

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